Day 10: Something I feel strongly (when I leave my 25)

I’m writing this an hour before my birthday, so probably this post would be published when I’m no longer 25 because the older I get, the longer it takes to write anything. To behave as an adult, let’s start this topic with a honest testimonial about life:

I think, these past 25 years have been amazing.

Like common people out there, I went through some ups and downs during 25 years of living. Some memories faded away, some still give me goosebumps until now. And like a normal human, there are more bad memories that I still remember rather than the good ones: when I feared something as a kid, when I went into an accident, when I lost my first and second phone, when I went through an eye surgery, when some of my friends left me, when I felt bad about my high school years, how I dealt with my parents’ breakup, how I dealt with my own breakup, how I hated a subject in college that I used to like in high school, how I felt useless, how I blamed myself for getting failed many times, how I burnt the bridge with some people, how I got clueless about what I want to do in the future. Ah, human’s brain is really designed to have more storage of bad memories, with additional capability to remember it in details. But fortunately, we’re also blessed with a skill of healing ourselves. Some scars stayed, but you know those hard times have been passed through anyway.

Right, seasons changed, and the way you look at things, too.

When I was on my early 20s, I started to realize that I rarely speak my feelings to people, and just keep it on the safest place on earth: myself. Sometimes I had an urge to pour it down on a private medium, but that’s all. But now that I’m leaving my 25, I feel that I’m getting more open up to people. Sometimes I don’t hesitate to tell people about my feelings, or something that caught my interest, or how my day goes, or how I shared things through what I wrote or what I captured. Of course I’m not telling anything that much, just enough, as long as it’s enough to make me feel better. And though I didn’t have those traits earlier I have no regrets for that.

Things changed, and maybe you’re changed, too?

I was in bathroom this morning when I had a thought, “maybe my life would get through a major change when I’m no longer 25.” Lately I used to think about trivial things when I was in bathroom, so I didn’t know why such things popped up in my head. Then I got into a deeper thought that I already passed through half of the twenties, in which it’s valid to say I’m not in a post-teenager era anymore, and how miraculous it is that I survived. (Nah, the last one was too dramatic.) Adulthood, I predict, will be harder starting from now on with more pressure from everywhere , internally and externally. So will I overcome this? I don’t know, but let’s give it a shot—maybe that’s what a real adult might say. Come to think about it, I’ve gone through many life-changing moments anyway, so any changes shouldn’t bother me that much. Then I finished my overthinking session in bathroom and went out.

I’m not ready, but I have to,

is the only sentence that depicts what I feel strongly right now.

Before I’m blabbing too much, let’s close this self-reflection note with a simple greeting that I rarely say to myself:

happy birthday, me!