Day 6: Five ways to win my heart

This topic sounds so cheesy but hard at the same time for me to write this. One of my friend ever said that I build a high, solid wall around me that makes it hard for people to get to know more about me, and I wouldn’t deny that. It always takes long time for me to get close to some people, and that’s why I always look like a “loner” in new place. But once you get closer to me, you’ll know me — even though I won’t be really open up to you unless we mingled for long time.

At the other day, my brother once asked me why I’m still single, and which types of guy that I really look for. I answered, “someone who looks like Taehyung” so that he’d just shut up HAHA. But of course, you don’t need to look like Taehyung (because I don’t even know if Kim Taehyung is a real human?) and still could win my heart, if:

You have a growth mindset. There are times when I realized that I was trapped in a fixed mindset. For instance, when I got too ambitious that I couldn’t accept failure, or when I wanted to be “that perfect one”, or didn’t want to be wrong, or look dumb. As I got older, I tried to be easier to myself. Especially when I got into college where I realized I could never be a top tier student in my major, or when I graduated and entered a whole different world that made me learn from zero. At those points, I don’t want to seek for perfection anymore. I just want to grow and improve in a field that I love. Especially when I get to read Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck, I just realized that those traits that I owned in the past were belong to fix mindset, yet it made me realized that I need to improve myself more and more to always have growth mindset. On my journey, I met some people who have these traits that similar to mine in the past: ambitious, perfectionist, blame themselves too much when they make mistakes, and always want to be seen as the “smartest one in the room”; and sometimes, I just couldn’t get along with them. So I’d always appreciate the ones who managed to have a growth mindset, or at least a fix-mindsetter who bear any efforts to change so they could have one. Because believe it or not, when it comes to improve ourselves to be the better one, build connections, or act towards anything, having a growth mindset is very important. And I want to grow together with the one who have it.

You’re being supportive towards me and let me be supportive to you. Being supportive to your partner is a common sense, I think. It’s fair to have some difference in opinions, but sometimes it’s hard to support other’s point of view and goals, so it’s become precious if we could be supportive to each other.

You can laugh at my jokes. You don’t need to be super funny (because I believe some funny guys make use of their traits to attract many people lol), you just get to laugh at my jokes. Some of my jokes are lame, and I sometimes have low standard of humor, but I’d glad if you could genuinely laugh at it or laugh with me thank you.

You can be patient with me and respect my time. It’s not that I’m hard to handle, nor easy anyway. But sometimes I need some kind of give-me-my-space-alone, and I would be thankful if you can respect that. Sometimes (or most of the time), I have a slow response habit when texting, so if you rushed me to reply you ASAP like for every time, sorry, you’d be blacklisted. I have my own business rather than just chit-chat with someone, and I believe you have it too, so please don’t expect me to texting with you all the time. Same with phone or video call, I don’t really into it and would prefer text messages over call (except for some cases where it’s more effective or efficient to have a direct conversation). I could never be the one who enjoyed long-hour conversation over call, but don’t worry, we can do it sometimes if needed as long as you respected my time.

We can get into same frequency. This is the most crucial part, even though there are some cases where good frequency were constructed after a long time. Moreover, as my friend said, I build a wall around me so it takes a long time to get into the same frequency with me. But anyway, life’s about building frequency with others, no? For me, having few friends with same frequency as me is way much better than having many friends who barely say hi. And it’s getting more essential when it comes to a partner.

Perhaps there are many other ways to win my heart — such as taking me for good foods, respect my hobbies, being open-minded, or looks like Taehyung — but I think those five points are the most important for now.